Clairvoyant tells man that his wife's line is busy

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Husband:  Can you contact my dear wife ?
Clairvoyant:  Sure.

Clairvoyant:  The line's busy.

Husband:  That's her !

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Xmas lighting decoration tip - check out the house on the right

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Christmas lighting decoration: DITTO
(The house on the right)

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Maxine wearing wonder-where-they-went bra

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I think I must be wearing a
"wonder where they went" bra.

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Woman who wishes for no housework, no cooking, no cleaning ...

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Woman: I wish for ...

no housework,
no cooking,
no cleaning ...

*** Poof ***

[Woman turns into a man]

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Innovative product: Fan on chopstick

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A fan to cool noodles while eating !!!

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How do people water ski in Asia? Firecracker on a buffalo !

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How do people water ski in Asia ?
Firecracker up a buffalo's arse !

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Weigh scale makes your cry

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One little girl to another:
"Don't step on it ... it makes you cry."

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Mom calls weigh scale a liar

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One kid to another:

I think it is called a scale.
But mom calls it a fucken liar !

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Penis formed from shadow of balustrade

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The Mayor of London has decreed that
Westminster Bridge will be closed
in the early afternoon on sunny days.

This is because a strange phenomenon happens
when sunlight passes through
the balustrade of the bridge,
forming a small army of ... well ...

See for yourself !

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The proper way to weigh yourself

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How to weigh yourself and
get the most accurate result.

"I can't believe
I have been doing it wrong all these years !"
"We must get the word out !"

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Story telling flowchart - for men and women

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Male storytelling flowchart - straight line
Female storytelling flowchart - tangents aplenty

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Maurits Escher's "Day and Night"

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Maurits Escher's "Day and Night"

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Maurits Escher's "Waterfall"

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How to create a perpetual motion machine
with Maurits Escher's Waterfall

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Bernard the bear meets an alien from outer space

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Video:
Watch Bernard the Bear kicks an alien out of Earth.

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Bernard the bear destroys a treadmill

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Video:
Watch Bernard the Bear destroying a treadmill.

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Chess - How would you play?

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Chess is not a matter of life and death.
It is life and death !!!

If you are black, what would you play now?

Prof L A Summers - Paul Ma
CCLA Candidates 1975

Solution is somewhere in:
https://mntviews.blogspot.com.au/1994/10/pauls-chess-results.html

My other posts on chess can be found in this link:
https://onemanadreaming.blogspot.com/search/label/Chess%20puzzle

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Escher would be proud of this terrace

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Escheresque terrace

Another example on the same theme
is a chess board in this link:
https://onemanadreaming.blogspot.com/2023/06/escheresque-3-d-chess.html

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How to bite one's own nose

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Can you do this? ... Bite your own nose !

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Dust storm in Sydney

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Pictures of the Sydney Harbour Bridge:

Before and after a once-in-a-century dust storm
in Sydney on the morning of 2009-09-23.

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A real zebra crossing

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A real zebra crossing

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A man with seconds to live. Frightening!

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Wife to husband:  (about their boat)

"Did you name it after me,
like you said you would ?"

Fat Arse

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How to shit on humans

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Pigeon's manual: How to shit on humans

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"Boss, I'm sick"

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One guy to another on chair-lift:
    "Cell phones are sooo cool. Watch this ..."

... "Hello Boss ?
    Sorry I can't make it into the office today.
    I'm sick. (Cough !)"

Boss on the next chair-lift:
    "Ok. But get well soon.
    Things are pretty hectic at the office this week."

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Wife waiting for husband

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Wife waiting by the door:
     Late       - club
     Drunk    - bigger club
     Lipstick - gun

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You are going to die

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Doctor to wife:
"Your husband is suffering
from a very severe stress disorder.

If you don't do the following he will surely die.

Each morning fix him a healthy breakfast.
Be pleasant at all times.
For lunch make him a nutritious meal.
For dinner prepare an especially nice meal.
No chores.
No nagging.
Oh yes, and make love several times a week.

Do this for the next year
and he'll regain his health completely !"

Husband to wife: "What did the doctor day ?"

Wife to husband: "You're going to die !"

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Pot plants everywhere

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Pot plants everywhere

On walls of high-rise apartments !

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World's scariest car number plate

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The scariest number plate:  PMS24-7

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Beautifully imperfect, sophisticatedly simple, terribly entertaining

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Pot plants :
    Beautifully imperfect
    Sophisticatedly simple
    Terribly entertaining !

Taken at the Horticulture Park in Singapore.
Many thanks to Fu Lee Ping for sharing her photo.

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Even a dog has a need to visit to an adult store

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Adult dog store - Inflatable leg
Even a dog has a need to visit to an adult store.

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Dog has his own indoor toilet

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Dog to Cat:
Ha Ha, Smarty-Pants ...
Guess who else is getting his own indoor bathroom ?

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How can this happen to the car?

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Car driven onto a yacht ... But how can this happen ?

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How to scare away Jehova's Witness

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Couple totally nude at the door

I'll bet that's the last time
those Jehova's Witness ring our door bell !

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How dinosaurs went extinct

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One more theory on the extinction of dinosaurs

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Papua New Guinea bicycle

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Papua New Guinea bicycles  :-)

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An honest employee

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Poor young chap ...

He attended a seminar organised by Management ...
"Admit mistake and earn respect" ...

He admitted one ...
They sacked him !!!

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Only tomato sauce on sausage

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A Dirty Mind:
If you got one, you'll see it  :-)

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It is just a lamp

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Your dirty mind

It's just a lamp.
What did you think it was ?

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Lazy Huaband - Do it yourself !

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Do it yourself !

Monday, 6pm
Wife: Is that you, darling ?
         Tell me,
         the shelves in the closet are broken.
         Can you repair them ?
Husband: Eh ... Help your self !  I'm not a carpenter !

Tuesday, 6pm
Wife: Is that you, darling ?
         Look,
         the water is dripping like mad under the sink.
         Can you make it stop ?
Husband: Oh ... Are you crazy ?  I'm not a plumber !

Wednesday, 6pm
Wife: Is that you, darling ?
         This lamp is broken, can you fix it ?
Husband: Absolute not !  I'm not a electrician !

Thursday, 6pm
Wife: Is that you, darling ?
         Everything have been fixed !
         The closet, the sink, the lamp ...
         by our neighbour, the young Peter !
         A real do-it-yourself man, and a funny guy too !
         Imagine, he demanded that
         I either went to bed with him
         or baked him a cake !
Husband: Ok, ehh ... What kind of cake did you bake ?
Wife: Bake ?! ... Are you kidding ?  I'm not a baker !

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Chicken affair

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Elephant baby hatched from chicken egg
The cock is not happy egg  :-)

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Winner of Dog Obedience School

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Dog sweeps up its own shit !

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Please help the bees. They are lost.

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One bee to another: "So, where are we exactly ?"

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Elephant Sex

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Elephants have no shame !
They have sex in public for all to see !

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The male brain

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The male brain is dominated by a few
big  Sex  glands

Footnote: The
"Listening to children cry in the middle of the night"
gland is not shown ...

... due to its small and underdeveloped nature.

Best viewed under a microscope.

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Kermit got the Swine Flu

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The Swine Flu saga continues into May 2009.
Kermit is the latest victim.

Breaking news !

Kermit the frog died today.
He was the 31st victim to die of Swine Flu.

His last words were:
"That fucking pig told me she was clean."

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