One man's Funnies

Tuesday, August 14, 2018

Strap phone to girl's forehead

Girlfriend to boyfriend:
"Do you mind if I strap your phone to my forehead so I can pretend you're looking at me when I talk?

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Thursday, August 9, 2018

Calculated risk

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The risk I took was calculated.
But man, am I bad at math !

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Saturday, August 4, 2018

Rectangular block tree

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Have you ever seen a Tree Fern with a rectangular block trunk ?

Location: Acoustic Chamber
Sunnyside Canyon
Gardens of Stone NP
NSW, Australia

Date: 2018 July

Above picture is photo #43 in this bushwalking trip report to Sunnyside Canyon :
http://mntviews.blogspot.com/2020/12/sunnyside-canyon-to-cleft-point-gardens.html

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Monday, July 23, 2018

Good Morning

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I always say "Morning" instead of "Good Morning".

Because if it were a Good Morning,
I'd still be in bed asleep.

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Wednesday, July 18, 2018

Jacobs Ladder, Ben Lomond National Park, Tasmania, Australia

Jacobs Ladder is the name of an unsealed narrow sharp winding and precipitous ascent to Ben Lomand plateau in a zigzag part of Ben Lomond Road.

This pic was taken from Watchtower Lookout at the top of the Ladder, 2017 January.

From bottom of Jacobs Ladder, looking up at the road zigzaging its way to Watchtower Lookout ~~~
This pic doesn't show it ... It is a crazy steep road ... If you are afraid of height and exposure, you won't be able to drive through it !

More photographs of Jacobs Ladder are in my blogs when I climbed Legges Tor, 2nd highest mountain in Tasmania.
http://mntviews.blogspot.com/2017/01/legges-tor-giblin-peak-jacobs-ladder.html Photos #67 to #78
http://mntviews.blogspot.com/2014/11/legges-tor-tas-australia.html Photos #4 to #7

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Friday, July 13, 2018

Oyster is robbed

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Female psychiatrist: "For therapy to work, you need to open up to me."
Oyster: "I just have a hard time trusting people."
Female psychiatrist: "Got it ! Ha Ha !"

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Sunday, July 8, 2018

Picture of a perfect man

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Picture of a perfect man :

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Wednesday, July 4, 2018

Giant Sequoia log

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Giant Sequoia

Giant Sequoias (Sequoiadendron giganteum) are the world's largest trees; and largest living thing by volume. The trees grow to an average height of 50–85 meters and 6–8 meters in diameter. Record trees have been measured at 94.8 meters in height.

They are also among the oldest living things on Earth. The oldest known Giant Sequoia based on ring count is 3,500 years old. Sequoia bark is fibrous, furrowed, and may be 90 cm thick at the base of the columnar trunk. It provides significant fire and insect protection for the trees.

Here are two examples to show the large size of the tree ... both are at the same location and date.
Location: Crescent Meadow Road, Sequoia National Park, California, USA
near Giant Forest Museum
Date: 2018 May

1) Tunnel Log

Visitors to Sequoia National Park can drive through a fallen "Tunnel Log" located along Crescent Meadow Road near Giant Forest Museum of the park.

The fallen log came into being after a Giant Sequoia fell across the road as a result of natural causes on December 4, 1937. The following summer, a tunnel was cut through the log as a visitor attraction.

When it fell, the tree stood at 83.8 meters feet high and 6.4 meters in diameter at the base. Its age when it fell has not been determined, but probably exceeded 2,000 years.

The tunnel, which remains in use today, is 5.2 meters wide by 2.4 meters high.

In the 3 pics below, I am driving a hired Toyota Camry through the log.

2) Auto Log

The Auto Log was once another Giant Sequoia. It fell down in 1917. Because it landed right next to Crescent Meadow Road in Sequoia National Park, park authorities decided to turn it into a visitor attraction. A kind of parking space was gouged along the upturned side of the tree trunk, and visitors were encouraged to drive their cars off the road and onto the trunk as a way to convey the size of the big Giant Sequoia.

Nearly a century of rot, and countless thousands of cars, have been too much even for a Giant Sequoia, and the battered trunk is now off-limits to vehicles. But visitors can still walk the length of the former log roadway.

Base diameter: 6.4 meters (21 feet)

Etti is starring in the 2 pics below ...

... Whilst I climbed to the top of the tree root.

More on the Giant Sequoia

In volume of total wood, the Giant Sequoia is Earth's largest living tree. Its nearly conical trunk, which remains thick high into the branches, is the reason.

- At least one tree species lives longer.
- One has a greater diameter.
- Three grow taller.
But none is larger.

In all the world, sequoias grow naturally only on the west slope of the Sierra Nevada, California, USA, usually between 5,000 feet and 7,000 feet of elevation. There are about 75 groves in all.

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Thursday, June 28, 2018

Cairns, Cairns and more Cairns

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World's largest collection of cairns may well be here.

The cairns seem to be newly created.
Older photographs simply show an empty dirt ground.

The cairns from another angle

A sample of the gravity-defying cairns

Location:
Kings Canyon Overlook, Generals Hwy (Hwy 198)
Sequoia Nat Pk, California, USA

Near Buena Vista Peak Trailhead
N 36° 43.165 W 118° 53.824

Date: 2018 May

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Sunday, June 24, 2018

Don't drink this water

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Sign on toilet wall:
Caution
Reclaimed wastewater
Do not drink

No idea why such a sign is necessary.

Perhaps it implies that in other toilets
where reclaimed water is not used,
then one can drink it from the bowl ???

Location:
Toilet in Bright Angel Lodge,
Grand Canyon Village (South Rim),
Arizona, USA

Date: 2018 June

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Tuesday, June 19, 2018

Be positive

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One woman to another:
"Tragic really, he died because no one knew his blood type.
I'll never forget the last words he whispered to me ...
... Be Positive !"

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Thursday, June 14, 2018

The Panda

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There is a panda amongst the snowmen. Can you find it?

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Thursday, May 24, 2018

Men who never listen

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Men who never listen

Actually men also don't see things.
Are you on the list ?
I'm glad my name Paul is not on the list.

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Saturday, May 19, 2018

Einstein's E = mc2

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Einstein is correct again !!!

E = mc2
Energy = Milk x Coffee2

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Tuesday, May 8, 2018

Snake - a very special moment during a bushwalk

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Species: Highland Copperhead (Austrelaps ramsayi)
Location: Close to the summit of Mt Scabby, ACT, Australia
Date: 2018 January

Usually snakes would move out of the way when they heard people approaching.
Not this one ! This one was not afraid of us, not budging from its ground.
Glad we saw it first and didn't step on it !
It also liked to flick its tongue in and out.

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Friday, May 4, 2018

Sinking boat in today's society

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Today's society:
"Sure glad the hole isn't at our end."

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Sunday, April 29, 2018

A teacher's heart

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Doctor to teacher:
"Your heart is slightly larger than the average human heart, but that's because you're a teacher."

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Tuesday, April 24, 2018

Say no to Reincarnation

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Reformed Buddhists:
Don't make the same mistake twice
Say NO to reincarnation

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Saturday, April 14, 2018

Ape with a phone

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Finally the fourth ape !
He is the sum of the first three:
He sees nobody, hears nobody and speaks to nobody.
(Modern day 4th ape should text to nobody !)

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Wednesday, April 4, 2018

Honesty

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In a job interview:

Interviewer: What's your greatest weakness ?
Girl: Honesty.
Interviewer: I don't think that honesty is a weakness.
Girl: I don't give a shit what you think.

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Wednesday, March 28, 2018

Doesn't Matter

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Along with "Anti-matter" and "Dark Matter", we've recently discovered "Doesn't Matter", which appears to have no effect on the universe whatsoever.

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Friday, March 23, 2018

Putangirua Pinnacles

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The amazing Putangirua Pinnacles in New Zealand North Island !
They are examples of hoodoo rocks.
More photographs of the Putangirua Pinnacles plus trip report are in my 2018-02 blog in this link:
http://mntviews.blogspot.com.au/2018/02/putangirua-pinnacles-new-zealand-north.html

( One of Australia's lone hoodoo rock, called the Totem Pole, is my 2017-10 blog:
http://mntviews.blogspot.com.au/2017/10/totem-pole-wollemi-nat-pk-nsw-australia.html )

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Monday, March 19, 2018

Chocolate

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11th commandment:
Eat your enemy and forgive yourself !

Photograph: Courtesy of Ciel Palacio
She is the beautiful girl in the above pic.

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Wednesday, March 14, 2018

Aim

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I aim to keep this bathroom clean ...
You aim will HELP !

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Friday, March 9, 2018

i before e

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i before e
Except when your foreign neighbour Keith receives eight counterfeit beige sleighs from feisty caffeinated weightlifters.
Weird.

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Wednesday, February 28, 2018

Perfume for husband

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Two comics by Randy Glasbergen

My husband is a workaholic. Got any perfume that smells like a desk?

Above pic is photographed in a shop called "Fragrifert - Victorian Perfumery" at top of cable car station at Kelburn, Wellington, New Zealand.
2018-02-11

I want my husband to pay more attention to me. Got any perfume that smells like a computer?

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Saturday, February 24, 2018

Cure for sore throat

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Female colleague 1:
Hi. It seems you are not well today ...

Female colleague 2:
Yes. I have a sore throat.
It seems that I will get ill ...

Female colleague 1:
I know a very good medicine for your throat.
Each time I have a sore throat
I blow my husband and the next day I am great.

Female colleague 2:
Hhmmm... Ok...

* * * * * The following day * * * * *

Female colleague 1:
Hi. Are you better today ?

Female colleague 2:
I'm fine. Your idea was great !
Your husband couldn't believe it was your idea !