Sunday, November 29, 2015

Wife loves dog

Wife to family dog:  "My gorgeous darling, I love you soooo much. My beautiful, adorable bundle of joy. You make me so happy! I love you, love you, love you!"

Husband:  "She used to talk o me like that."

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Monday, November 23, 2015

Anti-depressant works best on a Caribbean beach

Doctor to patient: "This anti-depressant works best if you take it with water lapping near your hammock on a Caribbean beach."
Will health insurance cover for the Caribbean trip?

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Friday, November 13, 2015

Sunday, November 8, 2015

If you are pretty ...

Daughter: "Who cares if I'm pretty if I fail my finals?"
Mother: "Okay, you have got this so completely backwards."

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Wednesday, November 4, 2015

Room for Vodka

Pessimist - glass is half empty.
Optimist - glass is half full.
Me - Yay! There is room for vodka!

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