"For better digestion, I drink beer.
In the case of appetite loss, I drink white wine.
In the case of low blood pressure, I drink red wine.
In the case of high blood pressure, I drink scotch.
And I when have a cold, I drink Schnapps."
Wife: "I just saw myself in the mirror naked and I look like hell. How about a nice compliment to lift my spirits?" Husband: "Your eyesight is perfect."