Wife finds her teeth

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(Old couple, in bed)

Wife to Husband:
Ooh ! ...
I think I've found my teeth.

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Missing husband, prepare for the worst

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Police to wife:
It's about your missing husband, Ma'am.
You should prepare for the worst.

Wife:
OMG !
You mean he's coming back ?!

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Looking over the wall

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Husband, the peeping tom, on a rickety ladder
looking over the wall at fun-loving bikini-clad girls.

Wife is not happy 😊
tempting the family dog to pull down the ladder 😊

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A very brave man's nightmare is coming

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(Husband mumbling to himself at home)

Being a man means
    doing what I want
    when I want
    and not having to answer to ...

Oh Shit, 
She [wife] is coming !!!
To be continued ...

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Never laugh at your wife's choices

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Never laugh at your wife's choices.
You are one of them.

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Relax, it is the same woman

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(Husband in bed with another woman)

Wife to Husband:
Steve, you promised you had never sleep
with another woman again !

Husband:
Relax, it is the same woman

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Darling, I'm home

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(In a pub)

Woman 1:
What's the worst thing your husband said
while you were having sex ?

Woman 2:
Hi, Darling, I'm home.

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Husband's earrings aren't real gold

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Woman consulting to doctor:
I have two green marks
on the inside of my thighs,
doctor.

Doctor:
Does you husband have pierced ears ?

Woman:
Yes.  Why ?

Doctor:
Tell him, his earrings aren't real gold.


(If the doctor is any good,
he should place his hands
on the inside of her thighs to feel the marks
😊)

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If you see anything you fancy, just grab it

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While shopping in a supermarket ...

Wife to husband:
If you see anything you fancy, just grab it.

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Doctor's advice on sleep-talking

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Wife seeking advice from doctor ...

Woman consulting to doctor:
Doctor, my husband talks in his sleep at night.

Doctor:
Give him the opportunity to speak during the day.

Comments:

1.
Keep on speaking.
He will be silent also at night.

2.
My wife said I havent spoken to her in 3 weeks.
I said I don't like to interrupt her.

3.
The Japanaese have invented a camera
with a shutter lens so fast
it can actually capture the image of a woman
with her mouth closed.

Only joking ...
No camera could have a shutter speed that fast !!!

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Survey on sexual intercourse

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(Woman doing a survey)

Woman:
Excuse me sir, we're doing a survey.
Tell me, do you talk to your wife
during sexual intercourse ?

Guy:
Actually, I do try to dear ...
If there's a phone handy !

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Put on bikini for neighbour to mow lawn

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Young lady relaxing in her own back garden ...


Old woman from next door said to her:

Can I get you to put on a bikini ?
I'm trying to get my hubby to mow the lawn.

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Women have better short-term memory

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Husband to wife:
This article says that
women have a better short-term memory
than men.

Wife:
I know.
Dear.
You read that to me ten minutes ago.

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When I die ...

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Husband to wife:
    When I die, I'm going to leave everything to you.

Wife (not happy):
    You already do.
    You lazy bastard !

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Making mountains out of molehills

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(In a party)

Wife to husband:
    And what has she got that I haven't ?

Husband:
    Oh be reasonable Mabel.
    Don't try to make mountains out of molehills !

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Mother-in-law comes to stay

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Wife complaining to her mother on husband ...

Wife:
He fought with me again.
I am coming to stay with you.

Mother-in-law:
No dear, he must pay for his mistake.
I am coming to stay with you !

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Seatbelt across wife's mouth

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New seatbelt design:
Across wife's mouth

45% less car accidents !!!

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Husband is in the garden

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Two women talking to each other

1st one : Where is your husband ?
2nd one: We had an argument. He is in the garden.
1st one : I was there and I didn't see him.
2nd one: Dig deeper.

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Husband not taking wife out

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Wife        : Invite me at least to the restaurant
                  or cinema !
Husband: I don't go out with married women, sorry.
Wife        : But I'm your wife.
Husband: I don't make exception !

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Good husband always listens

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I don't know much about birds
but I can easily identify the husband in these pictures.

Good husband always listens.

Today I had some words with my wife
and she had some paragraphs with me.

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