One man's Funnies: Penis

Showing posts with label Penis. Show all posts

Tuesday, September 8, 2026

Wife finds her teeth

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(Old couple, in bed)

Wife to Husband:
Ooh ! ...
I think I've found my teeth.

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Please visit my main page at
https://mntviews.blogspot.com/

Monday, March 23, 2026

Women want to see the Loch Ness Monster

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In a boat ... at Loch Ness Boat Hire

One woman to another ...
(while looking up at a Scotsman wearing a kilt):

"Wait a bit longer ...
We might be lucky enough to see
the Loch Ness Monster."

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Please visit my main page at
https://mntviews.blogspot.com/

Thursday, November 27, 2025

Story of a statue on the fireplace of Snow Goose Hotel

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The funny story behind the statue
on the fireplace of the pub in:

Snow Goose Hotel
Adaminaby (2 Denison St), NSW, Australia

Scroll forward for the story ... after the pics below.

Photo by Fatimah Rashedi
Date: 2025 November

Note the long penis of the statue !!!

The strory goes that when settlers settled in
Adaminaby, they started an annual running race
in snow, because they had nothing else to offer
to attract tourists from Canberra.

The tradition was to run naked.

And the winner was the one whose private part
crossed the line ahead of everyone else's 🙂

Hence that statute of the naked man
running with his long private part 🙂

The story remind me of this funny picture,
a woman with big boobs in a race:
https://onemanadreaming.blogspot.com/2025/03/big-boobs-should-be-handicapped.html

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Please visit my main page at
https://mntviews.blogspot.com/

Monday, July 28, 2025

Tugging at car's handbrake

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Woman learner driver to car instructor:

I don't think I've got the hang of this handbrake.
I keep tugging at it, but it won't go down !

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Please visit my main page at
https://mntviews.blogspot.com/

Friday, July 18, 2025

Stiff one first ?

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Woman to guy:
I had like a drink.
And I want a stiff one.

Guy:
Ok, love.
But do you want the stiff one first ?

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Please visit my main page at
https://mntviews.blogspot.com/

Friday, October 18, 2024

Camel's hump

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Somewhere in Egypt ...

Pretty girl thinks the camel's hump is a giant penis.
!!! 😀😀😀

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Please visit my main page at
https://mntviews.blogspot.com/

Sunday, November 28, 2021

Where do babies come from ?

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Child: Mummy ? Where do babies come from ?

Mother: Oh ... Erm ... Well dear,
a mummy and daddy fall in love and get married.
Then one night they go into the bedroom
and they kiss and hug and have sex ...
That means the daddy puts his penis
into the mummy's vagina ...
And that's how you get a baby, honey.

Child: Oh okay ...
But the other night I went into your bedroom
and dad put his penis in your mouth !
What do you get when you do that ?

Mother:

Mother: Jewelry

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Please visit my main page at
https://mntviews.blogspot.com/

Monday, November 23, 2020

Sphinx or penis ?

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An interesting rock that looks like a Sphinx ... or something else :-)

- Location: Ben Bullen State Forest, NSW, Australia
2.25 km north-north-west of Baal Bone Gap
Exactly halfway between Mercurys Boot and Baal Bone Point.
If you walk along the ridge from Baal Bone Gap to Baal Bone Point, you won't miss it.

- Map: Ben Bullen
- Grid Reference: 280 205
- Date: 2020-09-05 and 2020-10-15 Photographed during bushwalks

( A detailed trip report of the 2020-09-05 bushwalk is in this link:
http://mntviews.blogspot.com/2020/09/mercurys-boot-ben-bullen-to-baal-bone.html
In particular, the 2 pictures below are photos #32 and #33 of the link. )

After the trip, I registered the rock in BushExplorers Encyclopaedia as "Baal Sphinx Rock"
because it looks like a Sphinx.
( Refer to this link: https://www.bushexplorers.com.au/encyclopaedia/baal-sphinx-rock )

It could be worse.
I could have submitted the picture below and registered a different name :-)
Looks like a human body part :-)

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Please visit my main page at http://mntviews.blogspot.com/

Wednesday, October 28, 2020

Life is like a penis

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Life is like a penis ...
simple, soft, straight, relaxed, and hanging freely.
Then a woman makes it hard.

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Please visit my main page at http://mntviews.blogspot.com/

Monday, December 24, 2018

Penis enlarger

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Scientist to himself after enlarging a tomato:
"It works !
With this technology, we could end world hunger !
But first ..."

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Please visit my main page at http://mntviews.blogspot.com/

Monday, September 18, 2017

Old man's sex urge

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Old man in bed:
Do you think the doctor could give me
some pills to improve my sex urge ?

Woman:
No lad,
he can only heal the sick,
not raise the dead !"

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Please visit my main page at
https://mntviews.blogspot.com/

Sunday, August 24, 2014

In a pub - dog painted on the stomach of a man

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In a pub ... "No, I do not wish to see his tail wag."

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Please visit my main page at http://mntviews.blogspot.com/

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Mathematical equations of love, heart, penis and the boomerang

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Love

Love is complicated.
But the mathematics of it is very simple:
- It starts with "I love you"
where "I love" is a constant
and "you" is a variable.
- Later on, it is: 1 + 1 = 1
- And later still: 1 + 1 >= 3
Any questions?

Now, let us explore the mechanics of love.

Heart

Love comes from the heart.
The mathematical equation of the heart is:

To see the above graph,
go to WolframAlpha website
http://www.wolframalpha.com/
At the input area, type in:
(y - 0.75|x|)^2 + (0.75x)^2 = 1
And you'll see the heart curve.

You get a slightly different shape of the heart
by changing the value of 0.75.
Have a try at 0.6 or 0.9 or other values.
I find 0.75 more aethetically pleasing.

Actually, it just strikes me
that the following parametrised equation
(y - a|x|^b)^2 + (cx)^2 = d

(where you can set the values of the parameters
a, b, c and d)
can draw just about any heart shaped curve
that one can imagine (and more) ...

I'm claiming this parametrised equation as
Paul Ma's Heart Equation.

So far, no one has disputed my claim in the
math.stackexchange forum:
http://math.stackexchange.com/questions/902120/is-there-a-name-to-this-equation-y-axb2-cx2-d

By setting a=0.75, b=1, c=0.75 d=1
into Paul's Heart Equation,
it becomes the previously mentioned heart curve.

If you set a=1, b=0.5, c=1 d=4,
you'll produce:
(y - |x|^0.5)^2 + x^2 = 4

Type the above into the WolframAlpha input area
and you'll see its heart is pretty good looking too:

How about you have a go at various other values
of the parameters a, b, c, d ?

Examples are:
a=0.5, b=0.5, c=0.7 d=0.5
a=0.6, b=(2/3), c=0.8 d=0.9

If you discover other good sets of values to use,
I would be interested to hear from you.

Boomerang

Now, when you give out love,
love always comes back to you.

Hence you expect the mathematical equation
of a boomerang to be similar to that of a heart,
right ?

Indeed it is.

Set a=0.5, b=1, c=0.13, d=1
in Paul's Heart Equation to produce:
(y - 0.5|x|)^2 + (0.13x)^2 = 1

Type the above into WolframAlpha and you'll get:

Does love make the world go round?

Well, the heart certainly makes the world go round.
Take a look at Paul's Heart Equation again:

Let a=0, b=any, c=1, d=1
and it becomes a perfect circle !
y^2 + x^2 = 1

But in a real world nothing is ever so perfect.
There are always pits and bumps.
Set a=1, b=0.5, c=1, d=500 and you'll get:
(y - |x|^0.5)^2 + x^2 = 500

Penis

Of course, you can't talk about love
without mentioning the penis.

The mathematical equation of an aroused penis is:
y = |sin(x)| + 5*exp(-x^100)*cos(x) from -3 to 3

Type the above into Wolframalpha to produce

A limp penis:
(by ShmemicalShmengineer in Reddit)
0 = 2.8x^2(x^2(2.5x^2+y^2-2)
+ 1.2y^2(y(3y-0.75)-6.0311)+3.09)
+ 0.98y^2((y^2-3.01)y^2+3) - 1.005

A fat one in polar form:
y = Cos(x) + Cos(2x) polar

The Bum

This is covered in my blog
From Golden Ratio to golden arse
http://onemanadreaming.blogspot.com.au/2014/04/from-golden-ratio-to-golden-arse.html

Breast

This is covered in my blog
Mathematical equations for breasts
https://onemanadreaming.blogspot.com/2022/04/mathematical-equations-for-breasts.html

Here is one equation from the above link
for a pair of breasts:

y = sqrt(1 - (x+3/2)^2 / (1+(x+3/2)^10)^(1/5))
+ sqrt(1 - (10x+15)^2 / (1+(10x+15)^10)^(1/5)) / 10
+ sqrt(1 - (x-3/2)^2 / (1+(x-3/2)^10)^(1/5))
+ sqrt(1 - (10x-15)^2 / (1+(10x-15)^10)^(1/5)) / 10

Above equation was taken from somewhere
on the internet few years ago.
Unfortunately, now I couldn't find the source
nor the author anymore :-(

Post Script

There are other equations for the heart.

(y^2 + x^2 - 1)^3 - (x^2)*(y^3) = 0

Here is another one:
x^2 + (y - (2(x^2+|x|-6)) / (3(x^2+|x|+2)))^2 = 36

Using 2 equations:
y = (1-(|x|-1)^2)^0.5 and y = -3(1-(|x|/2)^0.5)^0.5
from -2 to 2

In polar form:
y = x polar (x from -1.5pi to 1.5pi)

Another one in polar form:
y = (sin(x) sqrt(|cos(x)|) / (sin(x) + 1.4))
- 2sin(x)
+ 2
polar

And another one in polar form.
This equation has a name, called a Cardioid:
y = 1 - sin(x) polar
Its corresponding Cartesian equation is:
(x^2 + y^2 + y)^2 = x^2 + y^2