Doctor is drunk

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Doctor to female patient:
I can't find anything wrong.
It must be the drink !

Women:
I'll come back when you are sober then, Doctor.

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Husband's earrings aren't real gold

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Woman consulting to doctor:
I have two green marks
on the inside of my thighs,
doctor.

Doctor:
Does you husband have pierced ears ?

Woman:
Yes.  Why ?

Doctor:
Tell him, his earrings aren't real gold.


(If the doctor is any good,
he should place his hands
on the inside of her thighs to feel the marks
😊)

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Doctor's advice on sleep-talking

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Wife seeking advice from doctor ...

Woman consulting to doctor:
Doctor, my husband talks in his sleep at night.

Doctor:
Give him the opportunity to speak during the day.

Comments:

1.
Keep on speaking.
He will be silent also at night.

2.
My wife said I havent spoken to her in 3 weeks.
I said I don't like to interrupt her.

3.
The Japanaese have invented a camera
with a shutter lens so fast
it can actually capture the image of a woman
with her mouth closed.

Only joking ...
No camera could have a shutter speed that fast !!!

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Boils examination

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Doctor to nurse:

No no nurse !
I said examine his boils !

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An apple a day keeps the doctor away

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A doctor and an engineer loved the same girl.
The doctor used to give the girl a rose daily.
The engineer used to give her an apple.
Girl got confused and asked the engineer:
    "There is a meaning of giving rose. Why are you giving apple ?"
Engineer replied: "Because an apple a day keeps the doctor away."

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Needle in breast

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Sometimes you have to admit it's time to retire !!

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Take pill before you wake up

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Doctor to patient:

Take one of these with water half-an-hour
before you wake up every morning.

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Sex question

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Doctor: Do you indulge in sex, miss ?
Girl:       Infrequently, doctor !
Doctor: Is that one word or two ?

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Letter to Dr Ruth

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Dear Dr Ruth,
I'm writing to tell you my problem.
It seems I have been married to
a sex maniac for the past 22 years.

He makes love to me regardless what I am doing:
ironing, washing dishes, sweeping etc.

I would like to know if there is anything you ...

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Uneven nipples - Model sues Mexican plastic surgeon for not making her nipples even after a breast implant

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You are going to die

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Doctor to wife:
"Your husband is suffering
from a very severe stress disorder.

If you don't do the following he will surely die.

Each morning fix him a healthy breakfast.
Be pleasant at all times.
For lunch make him a nutritious meal.
For dinner prepare an especially nice meal.
No chores.
No nagging.
Oh yes, and make love several times a week.

Do this for the next year
and he'll regain his health completely !"

Husband to wife: "What did the doctor day ?"

Wife to husband: "You're going to die !"

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