Wife finds her teeth

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(Old couple, in bed)

Wife to Husband:
Ooh ! ...
I think I've found my teeth.

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Missing husband, prepare for the worst

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Police to wife:
It's about your missing husband, Ma'am.
You should prepare for the worst.

Wife:
OMG !
You mean he's coming back ?!

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Never laugh at your wife's choices

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Never laugh at your wife's choices.
You are one of them.

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Wife has two faults

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One woman chatting to another:

My husband was telling me, I have two faults:
I don't listen,
and some other shit he was rambling on about.


(It was a wonder she heard her first fault !)

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Husband's earrings aren't real gold

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Woman consulting to doctor:
I have two green marks
on the inside of my thighs,
doctor.

Doctor:
Does you husband have pierced ears ?

Woman:
Yes.  Why ?

Doctor:
Tell him, his earrings aren't real gold.


(If the doctor is any good,
he should place his hands
on the inside of her thighs to feel the marks
😊)

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Doctor's advice on sleep-talking

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Wife seeking advice from doctor ...

Woman consulting to doctor:
Doctor, my husband talks in his sleep at night.

Doctor:
Give him the opportunity to speak during the day.

Comments:

1.
Keep on speaking.
He will be silent also at night.

2.
My wife said I havent spoken to her in 3 weeks.
I said I don't like to interrupt her.

3.
The Japanaese have invented a camera
with a shutter lens so fast
it can actually capture the image of a woman
with her mouth closed.

Only joking ...
No camera could have a shutter speed that fast !!!

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Put on bikini for neighbour to mow lawn

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Young lady relaxing in her own back garden ...


Old woman from next door said to her:

Can I get you to put on a bikini ?
I'm trying to get my hubby to mow the lawn.

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Wife with new sunglasses

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Just wanted to share a photo of my wife
with her new sunglasses.

Comment on the above image:

You must be upset by the woman in front
blocking half your wife from the photo.

In any case,
you need a new camera for a better focus ...
because I'm excited by the guy in blue shirt
behind your wife.

Do you have his phone number ?

------------------------------------------------------

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Dangerous Sports with wife

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Guy 1:  Do you play any dangerous sports ?
Guy 2:  Sometimes, I disagree with my wife.

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Husband is in the garden

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Two women talking to each other

1st one : Where is your husband ?
2nd one: We had an argument. He is in the garden.
1st one : I was there and I didn't see him.
2nd one: Dig deeper.

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Santa went to old girlfriend's house

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Santa to wife:
     Ok !  Yes !
     I went to my old girlfriend's house last night !
     It's my job!.

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Scarecrow

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Scarecrow dressed like wife 😊

Wife to farmer: "Very funny."

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Wife's manicured fingernails

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Angry wife's new manicured fingernails

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Calories burnt during sex among different races

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Japanese:  We burn almost 300 calories during intercourse.
European:  We burn almost 500 calories.
African:      Ya man, we hit harder and we burn 1000 calories during each sexual encounter.
Indian:        Bro, our 2000 calories are spent only in persuading the wife for sex.   :-)

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Your wife is behind you

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In a dinner setting :

Guy:
Say something that will make my heart pound,
baby.

Woman:
Your wife is behind you.

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Stock market crash is worse than divorce

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A stock market crash is worse than a divorce.

You lose half of your money and
your wife is still around.

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Happy Valentine's Day ... bring your girlfriend !

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Happy Valentine's Day !
Bring ur GF: 20% off
Bring ur Wife: 40% off
Bring both at the same time: FREE
Free transportation to the hospital

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Wife blastes unfaithful husband on billboard

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Hi Steven,
Do I have your attention now?

I know all about her,
you dirty, sneaky, immoral, unfaithful,
       poorly-endowed slimeball.
Everything's caught on tape.

Your (soon-to-be-ex) Wife, Emily

p.s. I paid for this billboard
       from OUR joint bank account.

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Wife shot dead husband

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Wife on the phone: "I'm sorry, you just missed him."

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Clairvoyant tells man that his wife's line is busy

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Husband:  Can you contact my dear wife ?
Clairvoyant:  Sure.

Clairvoyant:  The line's busy.

Husband:  That's her !

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