Married mummy stole linen wrapping

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One treasure hunter to another after opening an sarcophagus:
"Well, they were obviously married."

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Standing in front of TV

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Wife: I'm sick and tired of your selfishness.
         It's all YOU, YOU, YOU.
         Never a thought for me and MY feelings or needs.
         Well ?  Don't just sit there ... Haven't you got anything to say ?
Husband: You're standing in front of the TV.

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Long-term life goal

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In a job interview:
    "What are your life goals ?"
    "A new boat."
    "I mean longer-term."
    "Two new boats."

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Take pill before you wake up

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Doctor to patient:
"Take one of these with water half-an-hour before you wake up every morning."

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Please visit my main page at http://mntviews.blogspot.com/