Calories burnt during sex among different races

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Japanese:  We burn almost 300 calories during intercourse.
European:  We burn almost 500 calories.
African:      Ya man, we hit harder and we burn 1000 calories during each sexual encounter.
Indian:        Bro, our 2000 calories are spent only in persuading the wife for sex.   :-)

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Papers and Scissors rematch with traffic police

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The police just pulled me over and said, "Papers ?"
I said, "Scissors, I win !" and drove off.

I think he wants a rematch.
He's been chasing me for 30 minutes !

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No partner for golf

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Wife:         I noticed you haven't been playing golf lately.
Husband:  I don't have anyone to play with.
Wife:         What about Clyde ?
Husband:  Would you play with someone who cheats on the score and moves the ball when you're not looking ?
Wife:         I guess not.
Husband:  Well, neither will Clyde.

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Chiselling a tombstone

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Late one night, Jack takes a shortcut through the cemetery.

Hearing a tapping sound, he becomes scarred and quickens his pace.
The tapping gets louder and Jack is now scared out of his wits.

Then he notices a man chiselling a tombstone.

"Thank goodness !" Jack says to the man. "You gave me a fright of my life. Why are you working so late ?"

"They spelt my name wrong."

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Homer over-slept

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Homer Simpson:  I love these lazy Saturdays.
Marge:  It's Wednesday, Homer.

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