Poke at weddings and funerals

Old people at weddings always poke me and say you are next.  So I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

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Missing phone is on woman's ear

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"Crap. I gotta go. I can't find my cell phone anywhere!"

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Poor eat the rich

One day, the poor will have nothing to eat but the rich

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Hourglass with extra minutes

"I finally figured out my body type. It is hourglass with extra minutes."

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Breast or elbow?

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Facebook's breast police removed this photo ... they thought the elbow was a nipple   :-)

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Two oldies playing golf

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"My old eyes aren't what they used to be. Did you see where my ball went?"
"Yep ... but I can't remember!"

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Relationship Status

(X) Waiting for a miracle

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Comb for bald head

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Comb for bald head - handy, adjustable, folds neatly in your pocket

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iBoob

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News from Apple

Apple Computers announced today that it has developed a computer chip what can store and play music in women's breast implants.
   
The iBoob will cost between $499 and $599.
   
This is considered to be a major breakthrough, because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.
   
Thanks to Apple, everyone is now happy.

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Highest Solitaire Score - Vegas Cumulative & Standard Timed Scoring

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What is your highest Solitaire score
- in Vegas Cumulative scoring?
- in Standard Timed scoring?

(1) Vegas Cumulative scoring:
  - One card draw
  - Once through the deck only
  - Microsoft Windows 7 Operating System

On 2012-12-05, I achieved 13,466 points.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(2) Standard Timed scoring:
  - One card draw
  - Once through the deck only
  - Microsoft Windows XP Operating System

On 2013-10-18, I achieved 7,410 points.

Post Script: 2017-03-11
I just turn on the old dusty computer, prepare to decommission the old girl ... can't resist having another go ... and break my previous record with 7,560 points !!!
(Same setting as above ... Standard Timed scoring:
  - One card draw
  - Once through the deck only
  - Microsoft Windows XP Operating System)

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Dog puts Elizabethan Collar on man's hands

Let's see how you like not playing with your balls for a week.

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Astronaut nose itches

My nose itches !
(I think sneezing in your helmet would be much worse then just your nose itching ... lol !)

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Devoted husband

(This is for all you women who think all men are heartless ... Sort of brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?)

"I figured you should have breakfast in bed on your birthday. Can you reach the stove ok?"

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iPhone, iPod, iPad, iPaid

Son: "iPone"
Daugther: "iPod"
Wife: "iPad"
Husband: "iPaid !"

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Marital Status vs Neckline

Single - Married - Happily married

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How stupid can you be

I have to stop saying 'How stupid can you be'. I think people are starting to take it as a challenge."

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Ask for salary increase by shaving pubic hair

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Husband: "Today I have a meeting with my boss, to ask for an increase in my salary."
Wife: "Me Too."

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Studying and dying

Studying - Notice how they conveniently put "dying" at the end of the word.

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Women with fake body parts want real man

So let me get this straight ... Women have fake hair, nails, lashes, contacts.  Buy fake boobs, lips and get Botox.  But they want a real man?  Good luck with that !

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World's narrowest street, Reutlingen, Germany

Spreuerhofstrasse (Spreuerhofstraße) is the world's narrowest street, found in the city of Reutlingen, Baden-Württemberg, Germany.  It ranges from 31 centimetres (12.2 in) at its narrowest to 50 centimetres (19.7 in) at its widest.  The lane was built in 1727 during the reconstruction efforts after the area was completely destroyed in the massive city-wide fire of 1726 and is officially listed in the Land-Registry Office as City Street Number 77.

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Heavy load in China

Only in Asia!

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Weather forecasting stone

Stone is wet ... Rain
Stone is dry ... not raining
Shadow on ground ... Sunny
White on top ... Snowing
Can't see stone ... Foggy
Swinging stone ... Windy
Stone jumping up and down ... Earthquake
Stone gone ... Tornado  

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Snow tunnel, near Mutnovsky Volcano

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This snow tunnel near the Mutnovsky Volcano in Russia is almost a kilometre long. These tunnels form under the snow fields in deep ravines at the end of the summer thaw. Meltwater flows through glaciers towards lower elevations, finding an outlet at the terminus of the glacier and carving the ice on the way.

The Mutnovsky Volcano is found in the southern part of the Kamchatka Peninsula.

The photo of the snow tunnel was taken with three light sources: a torch, flash and natural light from the exit, holding for 2 seconds.

Photo credit: Michael Zelensky http://www.photokamchatka.ru/photos/photo.php?ID=9225

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Student's bad grade

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Explain these bad grades? ... before and now

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Mushroom looks like a penis

"Hi, I'm a broccoli and I look like a tree."
"I'm a walnut and I look like a brain."
"I'm a mushroom and I hate this stupid game."

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Lenticular Clouds

Lenticular cloud is a rarely seen cloud formation.  This one is observed over West Yorkshire in Britain.
For more information, see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lenticular_cloud

The below photo is in the sky above Grytviken, South Georgia island, at the cold edge of Southern Atlantic Ocean.
Image Credit: Masumi Tashiro

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Old woman wants a pat down, not flying.

Oh, I'm not flying anywhere. I'm just here for the pat down.

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Mother duck losing ducklings down the drain

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Ooops, a bad mother!

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Stop Deforestation !

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Deforestation of female from 1940 - 2010

Stop deforestation !

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Strassburg Sock to cure Plantar Fasciitis

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Looks like a sock for fancy dress parties !

But actually, it is a Strassburg Sock to cure Plantar Fasciitis (heel pain).  The Sock bends the toes, and you are to wear the sock to sleep every night.  In about a month, it should cure the Plantar Fasciitis.  See the "Prolog of prolog" section of my account on this matter in:
http://mntviews.blogspot.com/2012/07/zeil-nt-australia.html
 
Why does bending the toes has anything to do with heel Pain?  It is a mystery to me.  The web site for the Sock is: http://thesock.com/

May be you can read it and tell me the reason.

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Vibrating statictic picture

This is a static picture, not a vibrating gif !!!
Isn't it amazing !!!

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Say the colour, not the word! (An illustration of left brain right brain conflict)

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Job interview & breast size

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Success in job interview
is directly proportional to breast size

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Coolest negative image

!!!

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Peeled oranges

Orange peeled to shape like a pregnant woman

Orange peeled to shape like a man with a penis

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My ex

I still miss my ex.  But my aim is getting better!

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Climbing goats at Agadir, Morocco

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Climbing goats at Agadir, Morocco - June 2012
Many thanks to Danielle Petrie for sharing her photo.

The secret to the goats ability to climb lies in the shape of their hooves. The keratin reinforced hoof wall adds strength, while the soft textured sole provides traction and grip. It's also capable of deforming inwards to counter irregularities in the terrain. Their toes are capable of operating independently giving them more of a "grip".

These cloven-hoofed goats only climb one particular type of tree: the Argania spinosa, typically referred to as the argan tree.

The tree is endemic to southwest Morocco. A prickly and thorny tree, it produces small yellowish flowers, which then produce a fairly small fruit. The fruit’s seed is within a nut, which is further surrounded by soft flesh and a tough outer skin.

The fruit’s pulp is what attracts the goats to the argan trees. While the creatures will happily keep all hooves firmly on the ground and graze on low-hanging fruit, once they have gobbled the easy-to-reach produce, they will scramble up into the tree in search of more.

The fruit is not consumed by humans.

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Heterosapiens

Then I told the teacher, "Lady, I ain't no Homosapien. I'm a Heterosapien."

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Tortoise & Hare race

Tortoise: "First one home wins."
Hare: "Deal."   ...   Dammit.

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Shoes - Difference between men and women

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Women's shoes  vs  men's shoes  at special events:
Gym, Work, School, Party, Walking, Pool, Beach, Home, When it is raining, At a ball

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Elephant & Camel

Elephant: "Why do you have 2 boobs on your back?"
Camel: "That's a silly question from someone who has a dick on his face."


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Babies of man

Difference in babies between single man and family man

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Password is wedding anniversary date

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Husband: "Honey, what's the password?"
Wife: "Our anniversary date."
Husband ... She did this on purpose.

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Cheating during exam

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Teachers call it cheating.
We call it teamwork.

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