Kick politicians out of congress

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Opinion pollster: "What should we do with people who rely on government handouts but are too lazy to work?"
Citizen: "Kick them out of congress!"

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Woman loves champagne diet

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Gluten free, dairy free, fat free,
I love this champagne diet.

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Single-core Apple processor

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I finally gave in and bought my first Apple device. I have to say I'm impressed, even if it is only a single-core processor.

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Life is like a bottle

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Life boils down to four bottles ...
   - Milk bottle
   - Coca-cola bottle
   - Beer bottle
   - Drip bottle
Shit... I'm already in the third one.

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Girl exposing breasts to prove ...

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Is this girl old enough to drive ?

Proof :

Needless to say,
there's no doubt in the cop's mind
that she is old enough to drive.

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Get out of bed in the morning is like a turtle in its back

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How I feel when trying to get outta bed every morning.

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Mother's Day reflections

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Mother on phone with baby: "Can I call you back in five years?"

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Flying carpet

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Flying carpet on a beach   :-)

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Cat climbing stairs

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Is this cat going up or down ?

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Sand removal service - by vacuum cleaner

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At a beach:

Man offers vacuum cleaning
to remove sand from crack of ass and crotch.   :-)

To all those who are unemployed ...
You can earn an income this way !

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Planned vs actual

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What I planned.
What happened ... especially on my hiking trips   :-)

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Heart-shaped pool

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This heart-shaped pool is at Diamond Head, Crowdy Bay National Park, NSW Central Coast, Australia.
More photographs of the lovely Diamond Head headland are in my blog:
http://mntviews.blogspot.com.au/2015/11/diamond-head-nsw-australia-2015-11.html

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The internet is down

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Husband:
"WOW Honey, the house is so clean !
Was the internet down today ?"

Wife:
"No honey, it is my other lover
who actually cares for living together as equals.
Your stuff is packed; it's in the garage."

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Cleaner enters statue's vagina

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"Funny, I never noticed the smile before !"

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Human evolution

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Gorilla: "Please stop saying you evolved from us. You guys are assholes."

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Flash testicles in job interview

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In a job interview:


Female personnel director
to job applicant flashing testicles:

"Very interesting Mr Walker ...
but I said let me see your testimonials."

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Face on Microstrobos Falls

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A happy face looking down from Microstrobos Falls, Lindeman Pass, Blue Mountains, NSW, Australia
(Click on the image to enlarge it.)

I came across this waterfall during a walk on Lindeman Pass in the Blue Mountains, NSW, Australia. Photos and a report on this excursion are in my blog:
http://mntviews.blogspot.com.au/2015/12/roberts-pass-lindeman-pass-prince-henry.html
It is curious that no one has noticed the face except me  :-)

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Marriage Training

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Boy: Daddy, I want to marry.
Dad: First say sorry.

Boy: For what ?
Dad: Say sorry.

Boy: But for what ?  What I have done ?
Dad: You first say sorry.

Boy: But ... what's my fault?
Dad: You first say sorry.

Boy: But why ???
Dad: You first say sorry.

Boy: Please, at least tell me a reason!
Dad: You first say sorry.

Boy: Ok Dad ... I am sorry !!

Dad: Now you are ready.
Your training is complete.
When you learn to say sorry without any reason,
you can marry.

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Who needs to go in when the advice is displayed at the door !

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Planned Parenthood
Entrance in Rear

Northampton General Hospital
    - Family planning advice
    - Use rear entrance

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Bedroom & closet swap

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1st woman: "So your bedroom is now your closet, and your closet is now your bedroom."
2nd woman: "I finally got my priorities straight !"

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Breaking up

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End of a relationship ...
Difference between men and women

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When a woman says "nothing's wrong"

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Homer Simpson to Bart:

When a woman says "nothing's wrong",
that means everything's wrong.

And when a woman says "everything's wrong",
that means everything's wrong.

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I'm the remote control

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My parents had a TV like this.
I remember because I was the remote.

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Face-like rock

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An interesting face like rock at the summit of
Tinderry Twin Peak, NSW, Australia


It is not hard to climb Tinderry Twin.
If you are fit and healthy, have a go at it.

Photographs and details on how to climb
this mountain are in my blog:
https://mntviews.blogspot.com.au/2015/10/tinderry-twin-tinderry-peak-nsw.html

As to the rock ...
Even if you don't climb it, you'll enjoy
marveling at it from the summit.

By the way,
The woman who climbed this rock is Ruoran Zhou.

If you know her whereabouts, please contact me.
Or ask her to contact me.
( My email address: mntviews@gmail.com )

Thank you !


Background:

- Ruoran Zhou was born in China.
- Studied & worked in Denmark.
- Came to Sydney Australia in 2014 (or 2015) ???

- Hobby in Sydney: Bushwalking / climbing / hiking
  That's how I knew her.

- Left Australia in 2016.
  Perhaps around Oct/Nov/Dec ???
  To Denmark/China ???

- No one in Australia has heard from her since 😭


Some photographs of Ruoran Zhou are in this link:
https://onemanadreaming.blogspot.com/2022/03/ruoran-zhou.html

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https://mntviews.blogspot.com/

Chicken picks up eggs

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One woman to another: "Henrietta provides us with eggs. And when she stops laying, we'll eat her."
Cashier to chicken: "Picken up another dozen eggs, Henrietta?"

... And that is why the chicken crossed the road."

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Panties getting smaller !

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Proof of Global Warming ...
Panties are getting smaller !

What will happen in 2016?

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Christmas Bucket List

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Christmas Bucket List:
  1. Buy Be Presents
  2. Wrap Gifts someone in a hug
  3. Send Gifts Love
  4. Shop For Donate Food
  5. Make Cookies Memories
  6. See Be The Lights

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The perfect man

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One woman to another:
"I want a man who is
    - loyal
    - faithful
    - patient
    - attentive
    - forgiving
    - unselfish
    - even-tempered
    - and a good listner."

"You want a dog"

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An impartial bear ... or is it?

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White, black, man, woman, straight, gay, Catholic, Muslim, American, Mexican ...
all taste like chicken."

There is something wrong with this bear ...

White before black? Man before woman? Straight before gay? Catholic before Muslim? No Jews or Buddhists? American before Mexican !?!?!?

And a liberal waiting for his government handout meal and a welfare check ... tsk tsk !

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Wife loves dog

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At home

Wife to family dog:
    My gorgeous darling,
    I love you soooo much.
    My beautiful, adorable bundle of joy.
    You make me so happy !
    I love you, love you, love you !

Husband:
    She used to talk o me like that.

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Anti-depressant works best on a Caribbean beach

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Doctor to patient:

This anti-depressant works best
if you take it with water lapping
near your hammock on a Caribbean beach.

Will health insurance cover for the Caribbean trip ?

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History at a glance

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T-Rex to now: 67 million years
Now to Friday: Fucking ages

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If you are pretty ...

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Daughter:
Who cares if I'm pretty if I fail my finals ?

Mother:
Okay, you have got this so completely backwards.

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Room for Vodka

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Pessimist - glass is half empty.
Optimist - glass is half full.
Me - Yay! There is room for vodka!

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Nagging woman

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Behind every nagging woman is a man not doing what he is supposed to do.

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Candlelight is like vulva :-)

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Attention teachers: Never assign your class to paint "candlelight".

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Inconsiderate neighbour

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My neighbour
knocked at my door at 3am this morning !

Can you believe it ?
3am !
Luckily, I was still up playing my drums.


Comment:

I can understand this if one is playing the piano.

But to interrupt a drummer practicing ...
tsk tsk ...
Must be a pretty inconsiderate neighbour.

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Dog's side

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Dog's side vs my side - and where is the cat's side?

A similar theme on a divided bed between her side and his side is in:
http://onemanadreaming.blogspot.com.au/2014/02/divided-bed.html

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Dehydrated water

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Dehydrated Water -

Empty contents of can into one gallon of water.
Stir until dissolved.
Chill and serve.

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Fishing

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People & government fishing

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The meaning of life

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The meaning of life is that you have ...

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Be careful when you blindly follow the masses ...

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Be careful when you blindly follow the masses ... sometimes the 'M' is silent.

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Men - Really are from Mars

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Last night I said to my boyfriend, "I demand good manners in bed, just like at the dinner table."
So he climbs into bed very slowly and says, "Honey, would you please pass me the pussy?"

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Basic human needs

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Basic Human Needs:

  •  Self-actualization -
        Creativity, Problem solving, Authenticity, Spontaneity
  •  Esteeme -
        Self-esteem, Confidence, Achievement
  •  Social Needs -
        Friends, Family
  •  Safety and Security
  •  Physiolgical Needs (Survival) -
        Air, Shelter, Water, Food
  •  WiFi
  •  Battery

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Wine bed

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Husband to wife: "I'm so glad we didn't go for one of those cheap and nasty water beds."

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Big biceps are importanter

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"Where do you work out?"
"At the library"

Education is important,
but big biceps are importanter.

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