Little girl to little boy:
"With this I'm going to control your LIFE !"
Little girl:
"Mommy says its a future gold mine
and I should not show it to any boys !"
Little boy:
"Rally ?
My dad says its where all his money goes !"
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A man asked Lord Buddha, "I want happiness."
Lord Buddha said:
First remove 'I', that's ego.
Then remove 'want', that's desire.
See, now you are left with only 'happiness'.
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According to the theory of relativity,
massive objects like breasts,
can change the path of light :-)
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Wife:
You never listen to me.
You only hear what you want to hear.
Husband:
Sure, I'll have a beer.
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Having an egg for breakfast ...
Egg & Sausages - Skull & Crossbones
Egg vomiting
Sunny side up!
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One sperm to another
Sperm 1:
God, I'm getting tired.
How long till we reach the fallopian tubes ?
Sperm 2:
Still a long way to go ...
We've only passed the tonsils.
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Carton milk for baby ... taped to man's breast.
Because ...
It's girls' night out.
If you know how to get to Lake Hillier,
please let me know ... Paul
Lake Hillier is a pink lake on Middle Island,
the largest of the islands that make up the
Recherche Archipelago in WA State of
Australia.
The most notable feature of the lake
is its pink colour.
It is such a significant distinguishing feature
of the archipelago that air passengers often
take note of it.
The colour is permanent, and does not alter
when the water is taken in a container.
The length of the lake is about 600 metres.
The lake is surrounded by a rim of sand and a
dense woodland of paperbark & eucalyptus trees
with a narrow strip of sand dunes covered by
vegetation separating its northern edge
from the northern coast of Middle Island.
The island and lake are thought to have been
first charted by the Flinders expedition in 1802.
Captain Flinders was said to have observed
the pink lake after ascending the island's peak.
John Thistle, the ship's master,
collected some of the lake's water,
which he found to be saturated with salt.
Scientists cannot figure out why the lake is pink,
speculating that it is caused by a reaction of
sea salt and sodium bicarbonate
(commonly known as baking soda),
or caused by red halophilic bacteria
in the salt crusts.
But it is equally likely that there is a
giant underwater strawberry farm 😊
Despite the unusual hue, the lake exhibits
no known adverse effects upon humans.
From above, the lake appears
a solid bubble gum pink,
but from the shoreline it looks more like
a clear pink hue is in the water.
The shoreline is also covered in
salt crust deposits.
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These North Korean guys are tough.
I don't remember any wars
they've fought in over 60 years.
So these medals must be for heroism in marching,
posturing and Morris dancing!
The 3rd one from the right
has a medal hanging off his willy !
I think
they can easily be defeated with a giant magnet ...
... Unless the medals are made of
cheap Chinese plastic.
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Innovative product
Anti-theft clear plastic lunch bag with mildew.
No one will think of stealing your lunch now.
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Guy: Can you solve this? (128Ve980)
Girl: Hmmm ... I can't.
Guy: So, I erase the top half.
I LOVE YOU
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Unusual / funny chess puzzles and Sam Loyd
Here is an interesting chess problem:
How would you play if you are White ?
(Hint:
At end of the story on Sam Loyd's
chess puzzles ... scroll forward.)
Puzzle #1 (White to play):
The above reminds me of the following
set of chess puzzles by Sam Loyd,
the great American puzzlist of the 19th century.
He created a story around it:
In 1713, Charles XII of Sweden was
in a campaign against the Turks.
One day, in between the battles,
he played a chess game in the field
against one of his generals.
The following position was reached
and Charles announced mate in 3.
Puzzle #2 (White to play):
Just when he was about to make his move,
a stray bullet took the White Knight off the board.
Charles was unconcerned.
He said that was all right.
He still had a mate in 4 without the Knight.
Puzzle #3 (White to play):
He was just about to make his move
when another bullet shot off the White Pawn
on the Rook file.
Charles studied the position and said not to worry,
he found a mate in 5.
Puzzle #4 (White to play):
Then the general remarked,
"What a pity, Your Majesty, the first bullet
didn't take the Rook off the board,
rather than the Knight."
Charles replied with a smile,
"Then I just have to declare mate in 6."
Puzzle #5 (White to play):
(Solutions: See Comment Section)
Back to Puzzle #1 ...
Hint to solve it:
Use Sam Loyd's battle field analogy.
If a bullet had shot off White's Queen,
White can declare mate in 4.
And if another bullet had shot off White's Bishop,
White can declare mate in 2.
My other posts on chess can be found in this link:
https://onemanadreaming.blogspot.com/search/label/Chess%20puzzle
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The stock market is like a strapless bra.
Half the people are wondering ...
What's holding it up ?
Whereas the other half are waiting ...
For it to drop so they can grab the opportunities !!!
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Ladies,
If a man says he will fix it, he will.
There is no need to remind him
every 6 months about it.
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(In a museum)
Even a mummy's penis is aroused
by a scantily dressed museum assistant
showing her red panties and bare thighs !
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I limit myself to one glass of wine a day.
My doctor said, "Only 1 glass of alcohol a day."
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(Woman sitting on top of a guy)
I'm not sure if I want to marry you, Jack !
I'll sit on it for a while.
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(This is for all you women
who think all men are heartless ...
Sort of brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it ?)
My wife was so sick this morning ...
that I had to carry her to the kitchen
to make my breakfast.
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(Swings in school playground)
Why science teachers are not asked
to monitor school recess.
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(Cat licks its own arsehole.
Then licks a woman's face.)
Woman: Aaawwwwww sooo cute !
Cat: LOL
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I was forming a team of 4 for the
2013 Sydney Oxfam 100km Trailwalker event
to be held in August.
Here is a SMS phone exchange with
Charlie Cordina whom I have never met
and who wished to join our team ...
Charlie Cordina:
Paul how did your trail walk go.
Me:
Cancelled due to rain
Charlie Cordina:
Hi Paul did u do any training on the wkend.
Me:
On Jan 15 & 19, I sent u SMS
asking u to come to our training walk on Feb 3.
You did not reply with yes.
We have since found a 4th person for our team.
Charlie Cordina:
Dickhead i told u i had a high pressure job
i was busy at work
u knew i was interested in being in the team
anyway go and fuck yourself u monkey
Anyway who would want 2 b apart of your team.
This guy really have a high pressure job 😊😊😊
I would love to find out what it is !
Anyway, this exchange is now preserved here
in the anals of history 😊
Post script:
There is a guy by the name of Charles Cordina
who:
- Lives in the Fairfield area of Sydney,
NSW, Australia.
- Went to Fairfield Patrician Bros School.
- Belonged to Fairfield Bike Club.
Wondering ... Are these 2 of the same person ???
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(A demagogue standing on a plank
jutting out of a cliff face)
People don't know their true power !
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One woman to another:
The next time you plan on doing something
so horrible, you should at least call me first
to see if I'm available to participate.
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Prostitute to policeman:
I am not selling sex !
I am selling condoms,
with free demonstration.
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Husband nails down the blanket 😊
A happy husband in bed ...
obviously he is an engineer 😊
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Old people at weddings always poke me
and say you are next.
So I started doing the same thing to them
at funerals.
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Woman talking to friend on the phone...
"Crap.
I gotta go.
I can't find my cell phone anywhere !"
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