Widow mistakes mushroom on grave as dead husband's penis

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"Ho !!  Fred !!!!"

For heaven's sake,
will someone tell her it's a mushroom.

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A boss is like a diaper

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A boss is like a diaper ...
always on your ass, and usually full of shit !

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Coffin with room for breasts

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Inovative product: Coffin with room for breasts

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Racist dog

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White dog barks at black dog.

Even a white dog can be a ...
Racist !

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As soon as the Viagra kicks in, it is game on!

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Two old ladies playing quoits

As soon as the Viagra kicks in, it's game on.

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Sign on church: Adam blamed Eve, Eve blamed the snake, and the snake didn't have a leg to stand on.

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Sign outside church

Adam blamed Eve.
Eve blamed the snake.
And the snake didn't have a leg to stand on.

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No wonder the Middle East is in deep shit !

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No wonder the Middle East is in deep shit ...
just look at this world map !!!

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Craig's postings on lampposts

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FOR SALE

This lamppost. As is where is.
Light fittings and chattels included.

$50 ONO  or
will consider swap for a children's play house
and have a slab of beer.

Meet me here at midnight if you're interested.

You may need a spade.

-- Craig

LOOKING FOR A GIRLFRIEND.

I'm 35
and I have an extensive DVD collection.

I can cook a little
and will even do some cleaning.

If you have a big TV
then meet me here at 6pm Friday
and we can go on a date.

It'll be fun.

I'll be wearing
    one white thong
    one brown thong
so you can recognise me.

-- Craig

SOCKS

Apparently there is a $500 fine for
putting signs up on lampposts in this area.

If you see me putting this up
can you do me a favour
and not tell anybody ?
Thanks.

While you're doing me favours,
what are you like at darning ?

It seems to be a lost skill in this disposable age.

So if you can't darn then it'll be fine
if you just get me a new pair of socks
(size 13).

Thanks again.
-- Craig

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Old fairy wants one wish

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Old fairy to rich handsome guy:

"I gave you three wishes.
Now damn it, you give me one !"

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Fresh fish to fish to bait to fresh compost

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Fresh fish

Fresh fish

Fresh fish Bait

Fresh fish
Bait Fresh compost

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Clairvoyant tells man that his wife's line is busy

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Husband:  Can you contact my dear wife ?
Clairvoyant:  Sure.

Clairvoyant:  The line's busy.

Husband:  That's her !

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Xmas lighting decoration tip - check out the house on the right

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Christmas lighting decoration: DITTO
(The house on the right)

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Maxine wearing wonder-where-they-went bra

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I think I must be wearing a
"wonder where they went" bra.

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Woman who wishes for no housework, no cooking, no cleaning ...

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Woman: I wish for ...

no housework,
no cooking,
no cleaning ...

*** Poof ***

[Woman turns into a man]

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Innovative product: Fan on chopstick

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A fan to cool noodles while eating !!!

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How do people water ski in Asia? Firecracker on a buffalo !

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How do people water ski in Asia ?
Firecracker up a buffalo's arse !

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Weigh scale makes your cry

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One little girl to another:
"Don't step on it ... it makes you cry."

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Mom calls weigh scale a liar

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One kid to another:

I think it is called a scale.
But mom calls it a fucken liar !

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Penis formed from shadow of balustrade

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The Mayor of London has decreed that
Westminster Bridge will be closed
in the early afternoon on sunny days.

This is because a strange phenomenon happens
when sunlight passes through
the balustrade of the bridge,
forming a small army of ... well ...

See for yourself !

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The proper way to weigh yourself

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How to weigh yourself and
get the most accurate result.

"I can't believe
I have been doing it wrong all these years !"
"We must get the word out !"

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Story telling flowchart - for men and women

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Male storytelling flowchart - straight line
Female storytelling flowchart - tangents aplenty

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Maurits Escher's "Day and Night"

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Maurits Escher's "Day and Night"

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Maurits Escher's "Waterfall"

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How to create a perpetual motion machine
with Maurits Escher's Waterfall

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Bernard the bear meets an alien from outer space

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Video:
Watch Bernard the Bear kicks an alien out of Earth.

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Bernard the bear destroys a treadmill

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Video:
Watch Bernard the Bear destroying a treadmill.

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Chess - How would you play?

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Chess is not a matter of life and death.
It is life and death !!!

If you are black, what would you play now?

Prof L A Summers - Paul Ma
CCLA Candidates 1975

Solution is somewhere in:
https://mntviews.blogspot.com.au/1994/10/pauls-chess-results.html

My other posts on chess can be found in this link:
https://onemanadreaming.blogspot.com/search/label/Chess%20puzzle

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Escher would be proud of this terrace

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Escheresque terrace

Another example on the same theme
is a chess board in this link:
https://onemanadreaming.blogspot.com/2023/06/escheresque-3-d-chess.html

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How to bite one's own nose

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Can you do this? ... Bite your own nose !

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Dust storm in Sydney

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Pictures of the Sydney Harbour Bridge:

Before and after a once-in-a-century dust storm
in Sydney on the morning of 2009-09-23.

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A real zebra crossing

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A real zebra crossing

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A man with seconds to live. Frightening!

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Wife to husband:  (about their boat)

"Did you name it after me,
like you said you would ?"

Fat Arse

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How to shit on humans

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Pigeon's manual: How to shit on humans

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"Boss, I'm sick"

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One guy to another on chair-lift:
    "Cell phones are sooo cool. Watch this ..."

... "Hello Boss ?
    Sorry I can't make it into the office today.
    I'm sick. (Cough !)"

Boss on the next chair-lift:
    "Ok. But get well soon.
    Things are pretty hectic at the office this week."

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Wife waiting for husband

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Wife waiting by the door:
     Late       - club
     Drunk    - bigger club
     Lipstick - gun

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You are going to die

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Doctor to wife:
"Your husband is suffering
from a very severe stress disorder.

If you don't do the following he will surely die.

Each morning fix him a healthy breakfast.
Be pleasant at all times.
For lunch make him a nutritious meal.
For dinner prepare an especially nice meal.
No chores.
No nagging.
Oh yes, and make love several times a week.

Do this for the next year
and he'll regain his health completely !"

Husband to wife: "What did the doctor day ?"

Wife to husband: "You're going to die !"

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Pot plants everywhere

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Pot plants everywhere

On walls of high-rise apartments !

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World's scariest car number plate

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The scariest number plate:  PMS24-7

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Beautifully imperfect, sophisticatedly simple, terribly entertaining

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Pot plants :
    Beautifully imperfect
    Sophisticatedly simple
    Terribly entertaining !

Taken at the Horticulture Park in Singapore.
Many thanks to Fu Lee Ping for sharing her photo.

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Even a dog has a need to visit to an adult store

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Adult dog store - Inflatable leg
Even a dog has a need to visit to an adult store.

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Dog has his own indoor toilet

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Dog to Cat:
Ha Ha, Smarty-Pants ...
Guess who else is getting his own indoor bathroom ?

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