Charlie Brown and Lucy in water !
Lucy:
"You are a liar, Charlie Brown.
I will not drown if you take it out !!!"
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You: hi
Stranger: hi
You: name?
Stranger: Chun Wu at your service
You: Alexander Goldberg
Stranger: sup
You: u kno i never forgave u koreans
for attacking Peal Harbour
Stranger: uhh. i'm chinese ...
and that was the japanese
who attacked it
You: chinese, japanese, korean ...
whats the difference
Stranger: ......
Stranger: u serious?
You: yeah
Stranger: ......
Stranger: u kno i never forgave u jews
for sinking the Titanic
You: That was an iceberg
Stranger: goldberg, greenberg, iceberg,
whats the difference
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Woman - as explained by a mathematician
Chances of a man winning an argument ...
During :
- Dating
- Engagement
- Marriage period
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Sign outside church
Adam blamed Eve.
Eve blamed the snake.
And the snake didn't have a leg to stand on.
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FOR SALE
This lamppost. As is where is.
Light fittings and chattels included.
$50 ONO or
will consider swap for a children's play house
and have a slab of beer.
Meet me here at midnight if you're interested.
You may need a spade.
-- Craig
LOOKING FOR A GIRLFRIEND.
I'm 35
and I have an extensive DVD collection.
I can cook a little
and will even do some cleaning.
If you have a big TV
then meet me here at 6pm Friday
and we can go on a date.
It'll be fun.
I'll be wearing
one white thong
one brown thong
so you can recognise me.
-- Craig
SOCKS
Apparently there is a $500 fine for
putting signs up on lampposts in this area.
If you see me putting this up
can you do me a favour
and not tell anybody ?
Thanks.
While you're doing me favours,
what are you like at darning ?
It seems to be a lost skill in this disposable age.
So if you can't darn then it'll be fine
if you just get me a new pair of socks
(size 13).
Thanks again.
-- Craig
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Husband: Can you contact my dear wife ?
Clairvoyant: Sure.
Clairvoyant: The line's busy.
Husband: That's her !
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Woman: I wish for ...
no housework,
no cooking,
no cleaning ...
*** Poof ***
[Woman turns into a man]
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The Mayor of London has decreed that
Westminster Bridge will be closed
in the early afternoon on sunny days.
This is because a strange phenomenon happens
when sunlight passes through
the balustrade of the bridge,
forming a small army of ... well ...
See for yourself !
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How to weigh yourself and
get the most accurate result.
"I can't believe
I have been doing it wrong all these years !"
"We must get the word out !"
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Male storytelling flowchart - straight line
Female storytelling flowchart - tangents aplenty
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Pictures of the Sydney Harbour Bridge:
Before and after a once-in-a-century dust storm
in Sydney on the morning of 2009-09-23.
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Wife to husband: (about their boat)
"Did you name it after me,
like you said you would ?"
Fat Arse
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