Woman: I wish for ...
no housework,
no cooking,
no cleaning ...
*** Poof ***
[Woman turns into a man]
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The Mayor of London has decreed that
Westminster Bridge will be closed
in the early afternoon on sunny days.
This is because a strange phenomenon happens
when sunlight passes through
the balustrade of the bridge,
forming a small army of ... well ...
See for yourself !
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How to weigh yourself and
get the most accurate result.
"I can't believe
I have been doing it wrong all these years !"
"We must get the word out !"
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Male storytelling flowchart - straight line
Female storytelling flowchart - tangents aplenty
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Pictures of the Sydney Harbour Bridge:
Before and after a once-in-a-century dust storm
in Sydney on the morning of 2009-09-23.
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Wife to husband: (about their boat)
"Did you name it after me,
like you said you would ?"
Fat Arse
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One guy to another on chair-lift:
"Cell phones are sooo cool. Watch this ..."
... "Hello Boss ?
Sorry I can't make it into the office today.
I'm sick. (Cough !)"
Boss on the next chair-lift:
"Ok. But get well soon.
Things are pretty hectic at the office this week."
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Doctor to wife:
"Your husband is suffering
from a very severe stress disorder.
If you don't do the following he will surely die.
Each morning fix him a healthy breakfast.
Be pleasant at all times.
For lunch make him a nutritious meal.
For dinner prepare an especially nice meal.
No chores.
No nagging.
Oh yes, and make love several times a week.
Do this for the next year
and he'll regain his health completely !"
Husband to wife: "What did the doctor day ?"
Wife to husband: "You're going to die !"
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Pot plants :
Beautifully imperfect
Sophisticatedly simple
Terribly entertaining !
Taken at the Horticulture Park in Singapore.
Many thanks to Fu Lee Ping for sharing her photo.
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Couple totally nude at the door
I'll bet that's the last time
those Jehova's Witness ring our door bell !
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Poor young chap ...
He attended a seminar organised by Management ...
"Admit mistake and earn respect" ...
He admitted one ...
They sacked him !!!
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Do it yourself !
Monday, 6pm
Wife: Is that you, darling ?
Tell me,
the shelves in the closet are broken.
Can you repair them ?
Husband: Eh ... Help your self ! I'm not a carpenter !
Tuesday, 6pm
Wife: Is that you, darling ?
Look,
the water is dripping like mad under the sink.
Can you make it stop ?
Husband: Oh ... Are you crazy ? I'm not a plumber !
Wednesday, 6pm
Wife: Is that you, darling ?
This lamp is broken, can you fix it ?
Husband: Absolute not ! I'm not a electrician !
Thursday, 6pm
Wife: Is that you, darling ?
Everything have been fixed !
The closet, the sink, the lamp ...
by our neighbour, the young Peter !
A real do-it-yourself man, and a funny guy too !
Imagine, he demanded that
I either went to bed with him
or baked him a cake !
Husband: Ok, ehh ... What kind of cake did you bake ?
Wife: Bake ?! ... Are you kidding ? I'm not a baker !
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The male brain is dominated by a few
big
Sex
glands
Footnote: The
"Listening to children cry in the middle of the night"
gland is not shown ...
... due to its small and underdeveloped nature.
Best viewed under a microscope.
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The Swine Flu saga continues into May 2009.
Kermit is the latest victim.
Breaking news !
Kermit the frog died today.
He was the 31st victim to die of Swine Flu.
His last words were:
"That fucking pig told me she was clean."
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Before marriage:
John - Ah ... At last, I can hardly wait.
Jane - Do you want me to leave?
John - NO! Don't even think about it.
Jane - Do you love me?
John - Of course! Always have and always will.
Jane - Have you ever cheated on me?
John - NO! Why are you even asking?
Jane - Will you kiss me?
John - Every chance I get.
Jane - Will you hit me?
John - Hell no! Are you crazy?
Jane - Can I trust you?
John - Yes.
Jane - Darling!
After marriage :
Read from the bottom back to the top.
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(Background:
During the world wide sub-prime financial crisis,
there was a talk about GM going bankrupt)
Business Update:
Just Announced - IKEA to take over GM
IKEA HAS ANNOUNCED IT'S INTENTION
TO TAKE OVER GM and TO SELL CARS.
In that case,
WE WILL BE IN DEEP SHIT ...
ALL THEY GIVE YOU IS THIS ...
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(Background:
The world had Swine Flu during this time.)
As the two friends wandered through the snow
on their way home,
Piglet grinned to himself,
thinking how lucky he was
to have a best friend like Pooh.
Pooh thought to himself,
"If the pig sneezes, he is fucken dead."
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